Life Won't Ever Fade

I was not aware Altoids was stalking me and finding out my personal taste for it's candy sales to go up locally. Ginger. Who would have thought they would make Ginger tasting Altoids? At least now I can put them in my Reed's Ginger Brew and have myself something with more bite then I can handle. (Ha! I have so much hair on my chest....ten hairs in all)Thank heaven, for 7-11. The sales clerk, Jackie Gear. I could never stand her. Mostly self inflicted however. She...would try and get me in trouble for things I never did or said. Maybe it was one of those Crushes she had no idea what do with, so thought maybe that would be effective?One day I was called in the office(friendly one, not the mean one) She said I had been stalking her, and tried talking to her. I don't recall seeing her outside my freshmen year of high school.(This was my senior year.) Strange. Maybe she wanted an update for a mural? Well cheers to her. Hopefully she has grown past those old habits of hers.Maybe all the rain will start to growSands of time forget to cover in a shiftImagine the beginning of life untoldIn my endless mind I'm not even aloneTaught me life won't ever fade

A Tired Body

I've been trying to reform my natural styles of treatment of others. Not in that it is bad, not at all. But for one I do not like coming onto a female. This is good in most cases. Unless that is the frame of mine someone else is in. Which causes them to stall and wait for my reaction. Which also, is none.Now most of the time this is exactly what I want. For cuddling always has my dreams and desires. But maybe if I explain it better you'll be better out to understand it.Her body is so tired, laying down and relaxing. The day has worn her down completely, as she waits for my tender reply. Softly touching my face, after a kiss with the lips. Telling the eyes above her, how pleased this method of treatment would leave her.Well, I can't. I push myself away from being the agresser in any manner. Am not at peace with the feeling of allowing my desires to overshadow my actions. It's more then control over myself, it is the lack of love for feeling desires themselves. How do I, very much wish in any case, to give peace to that beautiful waiting soul. I love her, completely and endlessly. But, at least that much she already knows. Where Did Your Soul Originate? brought to you by Quizilla

Dire Numbers

I finished a book that wasn't all that bad. Dark Inheritance. More of a balanced book. In that I say it was poorly written, but the ideas behind it are intresting. Bound to see and learn a few things if you read it however. As I often get when I read a book that I enjoy and they steal alway the right to read more by mysteryly taking away more pages. I've got slightly hyper. Now within the mind that thinks too much, this is a scary thing for all those involved.The Turning Point. Read this book. Socity of the Mind. Read this book. Otherland, read this series. Those are books I enjoyed reading.I am reading Turning Point now. I want more books, but I don't deserve them yet. Haven't read enough of the ones I have. But I will soon. For I don't have a job. Not now, and sometimes I hope not ever. I'm enjoying right now. Very happy with it.Anyway, also a wonderful word is Maven. The Turning Point has it in it. N. 1965, borrowed from Yiddish meyvn, from Hebrew mëbhïn(soild lines over e and the i), literally, one who understands.Maven or mavin(noun) plural mavens or maveins; :expertThe last pages of a good book, is depressing. And of a great book, dire numbers. For in either case it rarely seems the last page came too late. Could always enjoy another line of the author's visions.

Changing The Flow

Last day. I suppose along the way I will collect a good number of those. I hope so at least. They, which worked with me, have said their forms of goodbye. They, whom I worked for, I cannot know if I will ever be able to rest a place in goodbye.They were happy today, every last one of them. A good way to remember them, if you ask me. I like working there. Been told if you find a job you like, stay with it, but I can't do that. Not to myself, at least. I always need to learn and expand to broader views of the world. I enjoyed it mostly due to the fact that it places me in the forgotten members of socity.New job is actual the same, just diffrent people. So I believe there is a mixture of new, and the old. How that will work out in the long road of life, who knows. I don't want to know, not at least until it's too late to turn back.

Listened To the Music

I woke up wanting to hear or write music to a Barry White sound. And yes, of course, also keep myself in that mood as a whole. I would assume that makes me only slightly diffrent then most males. Waking up does that to us, right?Leave your hands on my bodyLet the whole fall down around usAs we fade only here, unto each otherCured by the dreams once so far awayGive our lives lost in this single momentI know you'll understand what I mean, what I hear, what I desire. But, sad part is you'll never hear me at all. Even when it's simple, even when it's only love.

What Would I Do?

I've always thought slightly ahead of my time. When I was eleven to thirteen, suicide was often thought of. It wasn't a results of rash desire to hide myself from the world. To not counter in a more healthy manner the problems that made me feel as if I was folding.In some ways perhaps, yes, I didn't want to face what I felt. But when your feeling what others have on their souls, maybe it becomes more understandable. What effected me wasn't a sad depressed person, as much as a lost and clueless. That is those able to live without any real connection to their inner self. A value I cherished in myself. Was haunting, chilling, and most of all empting when they were near me. And yes, there is a lot of them out there.What removed me from that action? Selfishness. No, not really my own in the desires about life, I don't have many. But knowing the effects of such an act, it's own selfishness and thief from others. I never attempted, but doubt I would have failed at the same time.Another place which was in my thoughts, was to retire by the age of thirty-five. I'm twenty three now, and not really sure if I am closer to that goal or farther away from it. Always a matter of the results of the crossroads. Current ones effect it greatly, at that.Now it may seem shallow to wish myself to money's end and retire. But, more is left my reasons why. What gain is of it in my mind to have this done, by thirty-five? Easy, I have too much I love in this world. Not near in the accounts of people themselves, but the desire to be humbled by the earth itself. Perhaps, at times, the effects mankind has on the earth.I value more then anything, to be able to give time to my mind, and the knowledge it might retain from it. And as a direct results, the entwinements of my writing with the deepest parts of my soul. So by it all, writing has been a driving force in just such a goal. Tell me, what sort of retirement do you really think I am after, in the end?Anyway, I love children. If I am not a father by that age, then I will be deeply saddened. For I have found nothing above God, that I adore more then the gift he has given us in the form of children.

Forms Over Us

Hands always seem heaviest in dreams. Actions less paltry, reason more futile. Strangest dream I know to live is convincing ourselves the what we believe has anything to do with reality.Why is death cold, and heavy? Life light and bright? Is it because of our own understanding of what life is from, and where it's going? Always wonder if the limits of being "from" this life form and commonality isn't the strongest thing withholding truth.I'm not asking to be God, or another equally all knowing power. Just knowing enough to have stealers, thieves, and liars fear me.